my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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