1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
