I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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