from now on my penis is your penis
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
