wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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