i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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