Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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