What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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