Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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