where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
