Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
