Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
