I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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