i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
