i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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