I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
