I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
