just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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