Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
