My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
