I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize