we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
try to milk me bitch
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