my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
