whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
