Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
