fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
its liver damage thursday
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
