I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize