I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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