I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
