mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
