I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
