It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
