I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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