you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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