I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
