And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
