Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
