one might say we're banned from that church
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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