can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
