2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
