Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
