He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
