I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
