I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
