If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
