I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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