right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
