Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
