I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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