I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Your dad touched me again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
