Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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