Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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