I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
