I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
