people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
