sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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