Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
