Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
