i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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