Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
