I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
