Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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