$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
