normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
