and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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