he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
