my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
