Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
