Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
